Despite having left the Church, I have internalized the idea that sin and pain can be washed away with symbolic gestures.

In these words, I see the young girl who saw academics as a way to perform invulnerability but still be desirable while doing it.

But every so often I flip through the dog-eared paperback of Slouching Towards Bethlehem and finger the faded grocery list bookmark in my mother’s handwriting and wonder if I’ll finally read the book all the way through when I’m on the road.